yesterday i found this in my MSN indox.


"tyara, give this to al your byfriends to fill" he said.
then when i scrolled down ...


APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER



NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless
accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history,
lineage, and current medical report from your doctor.


NAME_____________________________________
DATE OF
BIRTH_____________
HEIGHT___________ WEIGHT____________ IQ__________ GPA Grid_____________
INCOME TAX FILE NUMBER _________________                                                             DRIVERS LICENCE ________________
BOY SCOUT RANK AND
BADGES__________________________________________

HOME ADDRESS_______________________ STATE___________
POSTCODE______

Do you have parents? ___Yes ___No
Is one male and the other female? ___Yes ___No
If No, explain:
_____________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________

Number of years they have been married
______________________________

If less than your age, explain
____________________________________________________________________
ACCESSORIES SECTION:
A. Do you own or have access to a van? __Yes __No
B. A truck with oversized tires? __Yes __No
C. A waterbed? __Yes __No
D. A pickup with a mattress in the back? __Yes __No
E. A tattoo? __Yes __No
F. Do you have an earring, nose ring, __Yes __No
pierced tongue, pierced cheek or a belly button ring?

(IF YOU ANSWERED 'YES' TO ANY OF THE ABOVE, DISCONTINUE
APPLICATION AND LEAVE PREMISES IMMEDIATELY. I SUGGEST
RUNNING.)

ESSAY SECTION:
In 50 words or less, what does 'LATE' mean to you?

______________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________

In 50 words or less, what does 'DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER' mean
to you?

______________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________


In 50 words or less, what does 'ABSTINENCE' mean to you?
______________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________
REFERENCES SECTION:
Church you attend
___________________________________________________
How often you attend
________________________________________________
When would be the best time to interview your:

Father? _____________
Mother?_____________
Priest or Pastor? _____________
SHORT-ANSWER SECTION:
Answer by filling in the blank. Please answer freely all
answers are confidential.

A: If I were shot, the last place I would want shot would be:
______________________________________________________________
B: If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my:
______________________________________________________________
C: A woman's place is in the:
______________________________________________________________
D: The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is:
______________________________________________________________

E. What do you want to be IF you grow up?
___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
F: When I meet a girl, the thing I always notice about her first is:
______________________________________________________________
G: What is the current going rate of a motel room?
__________________________

I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND
CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH,
DISMEMBERMENT,INDIGENOUS AUSTRALIAN BULL ANT TORTURE, CRUCIFIXION,
ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE and RED HOT POKERS

_________________________________________________________
Applicant's Signature (that means sign your name, moron!)

_______________________________

________________________________
Mother's Signature Father's Signature

_______________________________

________________________________
Pastor/Priest/Rabbi State or Federal Government Representative

_______________________________
(Their stamp goes here )Notary Public

Thank you for your interest, and it had better be genuine and
non-sexual. Please allow four to six years for processing.

You will be contacted in writing if you are approved. Please
do not try to call or write. If your application is rejected,
you will be notified by two gentleman wearing white ties
carrying violin cases. (You might watch your back)

To prepare yourself, start studying Daddy's Rules for Dating.

Daddy's Rules for Dating
Your dad's rules for your boyfriend (or for you if you're a guy):

Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better
be delivering a carton of beer, because you're sure not
picking anything up.

Rule Two:
You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at
her so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If
you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body,
I will remove them.

Rule Three:
I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your
age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be
falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult,
but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I
want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose
this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear
showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not
object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not,
in fact come off during the course of your date with my
daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your
trousers securely in place to your waist.

Rule Four:
I'm sure you've been told that in today's world sex without
utilizing a 'Barrier method' of some kind can kill you. Let me
elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will
kill you.

Rule Five:
It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know
each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other
issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information
I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have
my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need
from you on this subject is: 'early.'

Rule Six:
I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many
opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as
long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have
gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one
but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I
will make you cry.

Rule Seven:
As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to
appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget.
If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be
dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process than
can take longer than painting the Sydney Harbor Bridge.
Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something
useful, like changing the oil in my car?

Rule Eight:
The following places are not appropriate for a date with my
daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything
softer than a wooden stool, places where there is darkness,
places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness.
Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce
my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or
anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down
parka - zipped up to her throat. Movies with strong romantic
or sexual themes are to be avoided; movies that feature chain
saws are okay. Cricket games are okay...Old folks homes are
better.

Rule Nine:
Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding,
middle-aged, dim-witted has-been. But on issues relating to my
daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your
universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you
have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and
nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five
acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.

Rule Ten:
Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to
mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper
coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi . When my Agent Orange
starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to
clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As
soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit the car
with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password,
announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter
home safely and early then return to your car - there is no
need for you to come.






surely it was one hell of a laugh to read. but it turns out that he's serious! i found the print out if this very application on his side table in his room. good thing is i dont have a boyfriend. bad thing is, after reading this, i dont think i'll get one ):